A tagline is a short statement that explains your book to others. I have used this: "A science journalist must use her investigative skills to stop an influenza pandemic caused by a time travel experiment." Descriptive, yes, but it is also a bit awkward and lacking that certain something that makes it shine.
This is a stab at a better tagline.
Before Sundown, reporting was just her job. No longer Dormant, the flu made it personal.
Science journalist, Jackie Davenport, must uncover the truth about a time travel experiment in order to stop the pandemic.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Edited tagline:
To stop the flu pandemic from sending the population to the brink of extinction, journalist Jackie Davenport must uncover the truth behind the government's secret time travel experiment. Humanity’s future hangs on Jackie’s courage and ability to convince with the scoop of a lifetime.
A more succinct version:
To stop a pandemic, Jackie Davenport must uncover the truth behind a secret experiment.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
A more succinct version:
To stop a pandemic, Jackie Davenport must uncover the truth behind a secret experiment.
Does this grab your attention and make you want to read my book?
So, these are just my thoughts, but I thought I'd offer them because I know how hard taglines are to write. LOL!
ReplyDeleteI'm curious about the use of capitalization in the first and second lines, especially the italics on the word "Dormant." I find myself asking, "What's Sundown?" and, "What is Dormant? Is it the name of the flu? Is it the name of something significant?" It's like we need to know too much before we can understand the tag.
I thought the second line was better as an attention-grabber:
"Science journalist, Jackie Davenport, must uncover the truth about a time travel experiment in order to stop the pandemic."
I think maybe starting with the words "The pandemic" might catch more attention to begin with--it's a pretty jarring word.
"To stop the pandemic, journalist Jackie Davenport must uncover the truth about a time travel experiment." -- But even this leaves me with questions... What pandemic? How does the time travel experiment fit in? What's so special about it?
I'm making this up, but maybe something like:
"To stop the pandemic threatening to send the population to the brink of extinction, journalist Jackie Davenport must uncover the secrets behind the government's secret time travel experiment... Or risk humanity's future forever."
Sorry--I know that's a ton of feedback. Again, just my thoughts, so you can disregard if you'd like. :)
Vivian: Thank you so much for taking the time to give me well-thought-out feedback! Your points make perfect sense, though they didn't occur to me before. I think that I'm too close to the story.
ReplyDeleteDormant is capitalized because it's the title of my book. Sundown, Texas is the location where much of the action takes place. The pandemic is caused by the time travel experiment, though I can see now that I didn't make that clear. It's hard to know exactly how much is enough without giving too much away.
I am going to work on amending my original post with a modified tagline, based on your suggestions.